Hello Reader,
The other day, my son-in-law, Alex, came over for a visit. Within a few minutes, he picked up a broom and began sweeping my kitchen. Part of me shivered in horror and shame. I mean, cleanliness is next to godliness, right? But the bigger part of me relaxed, smiled, and thanked him. I do love a clean house!
Being a domestic goddess has never been my strong suit. It’s not that I live in an uncontrollable mess. I clean up every day. It’s just that I don’t tend to notice the details—like dirt tracked in or dirty windows.
I used to worry that this was an irreconcilable flaw in my makeup. My mom certainly didn’t fail to model good housekeeping for me. Her house is always immaculate. The same goes for my daughters. For a spell, my husband repeatedly pointed out my shortcomings in the domestic goddess department, and I would get hooked, beating myself up for yet another failure.
Although I want to be a better housekeeper, I take a gentler approach with myself these days. I appreciate that while some people notice dirt details, my attention tends to be drawn elsewhere—to writing or playing, to flirting with my husband, or making sure I have all the groceries to create a delicious dinner. I’ve noticed that when I befriend myself instead of berating myself, there is an opening for improvement.
Since the day that Alex sweetly and without fanfare swept my kitchen, the broom has captured my attention numerous times. I’ll prepare a delicious meal and then sweep up afterward—just because it seems like a good habit to work on 🙂
Last night, I was reading Pema Chodron’s book Practicing Peace in Times of War. In it, she talks about how to cultivate inner peace. She talks about how taking a vow or committing to change behavior can significantly help. However, she underscores treating yourself with the ultimate kindness, even while you make a great effort to change. She says to start with the view (a view strongly echoed by Cheri Huber, who has a book by this name): There is nothing wrong with you—or me or anybody else. And then quoted Zen Master Suzuki Roshi, who turned to a group of his students one day and said:
“All of you are perfect just as you are and you could use a little improvement.”
So, this week, I continue working on accepting myself as I am—it’s an ongoing project, like brushing your teeth every day–even while I vow to do better!
Speaking of dirt, however, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that I do appreciate the fine art of being a Hot Mess—hence my article by the same name.
So, on our way to “improving” ourselves, let’s not overlook the rich potential to share in the glorious messy of life and find delight and connection there—or, as I call it, to get Naked in the Now!
Smiles,
https://marijkemccandless.com
PS Feel free to write back sharing any of your own perspectives and experiences!
Kirkus Reviews endorses Naked in the Now!
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