I found myself gently smiling on my hands and knees today. A small bowl of warm, soapy water and a wet and dry rag sat by my side as I scrubbed the Saltillo tiles of our rental casa in Loreto Bay.
I’d just come from a writing and awareness class with eight women. We free-wrote to tiny prompts. One woman wrote about the joy of cleaning her Saltillo tiles. “They look so pretty when they are clean!” she wrote. The joy reflected on her face, and the image she painted gave me pause as I reflected on my inattention to cleanliness standards. Another wrote about how mundane tasks brought her to a quiet place of mindlessness—which, ironically, is probably the hope for any student of mindfulness.
Scrubbing Tiles and the Messiness of Life
The truth is, I appreciate a little messiness in life—mostly because I see it as an apt reflection of my interior world. I learned this along the way about embracing life’s uncertainty and the uncontrollable, messy tangles it presents.
I used to be more of a perfectionist—at least in school. I was always striving to get As. Even now, when I decide to do something, I often bring my whole focus to it, along with a good measure of tenacity.
Not so with housecleaning, however. I often intentionally leave a few dishes in the drying rack so the kitchen never looks completely “done.” I don’t want to live up to a standard that leaves no room for things to be out of place.
Still, I concede that tidiness often brings a measure of peace—a calm environment and mind. And there’s truth to that. A neat space sometimes helps me feel more peaceful, even as I embrace life’s inherent messiness.
These days, I strike a neat-ish balance while fully appreciating the value of a little messiness. It reminds me that imperfection may be more than okay; it’s honest.
Unlearning and Curiosity
This morning, however, I saw a little entrenchment in my interior declaration of the values of messiness. Am I missing out on the joy of cleaning? I wondered. Listening to those women talk with reverence about something that was still mostly a “chore” made me curious.
Hence, I opted for the “hands and knees” Saltillo tile scrubbing when I got home. As I write this and glance around at the tile in the background, I can’t help but smile. It looks so pretty.
Cleaning those tiles felt like a tiny act of surrender—of unlearning what I thought I knew to be true.
It’s easy to think of spiritual practice as something lofty—meditating on a mountaintop or achieving some grand insight. But so often, it’s here, on our hands and knees, cleaning up the messes life leaves behind, both literal and metaphorical.
Dharma Practice and Confronting Ego
Dharma practice invites us to surrender to confronting the grime of ego and pride, patiently uncovering what lies beneath. As I cleaned, I realized how much pride and ego can influence even the most straightforward actions.
Once, while on a practice retreat with Cheri Huber, engaging in chores was a significant part of the teaching. We were told exactly how to do each chore, which often brought out a person’s ego when they were sure they knew a “better” way to do the task. When the bell rang, Cheri instructed us to stop working on the task immediately—another challenge to an ego that feels much better when something is officially “done.”
This last week has been about confronting ego and pride and practicing unlearning. Whenever something becomes entrenched, it deserves my attention, for likely, there is room for growth.
Like most of us, I suspect, I want to be “done”—to have definitively figured something out, to be “once and for all” an expert on…something, maybe anything. And yet, as an awareness practitioner, again and again, this line of thinking thwarts me.
As Dzongsar Jamyang Khentse Rinpoche put it, Dharma practice is “a never-ending confrontation with and opposition to pride and ego.”
And, so it goes.
Earlier in the week, I was short with a beloved person. We saw something from slightly different perspectives, and a familiar feeling of oh-so-subtle righteousness had crept into my thinking. Obviously, I was in the right.
Except I felt unsettled inside. That’s the thing about righteousness: It often leaves me feeling off-kilter once I see it. In this case, I realized that I was causing myself and possibly another person suffering.
The Power of Apologizing
I had to ask myself, Is holding on to this position more important to me than enjoying my beloved person? I swallowed for a moment and wondered what to do.
The other side of righteous indignation is often self-flagellation. How could I do that again? Fortunately, I have had lots of practice with that particular dynamic.
Somewhere along the way, a teacher gave me invaluable advice: You can sincerely apologize if you have wronged someone or perhaps inadvertently caused suffering. After I did, I felt better, more connected, and in harmony with my beloved person again.
I now translate this to: If I realize I am stuck in righteous indignation, it’s time to slow down and look at how I contribute. It’s time to confront my pride and ego. It might be time to apologize. Apologizing is tough for the ego, yet it offers us a path to peace moving forward. And we can give up all the self-flagellation part and move on—even if our apology is not received.
Bringing Dharma into Daily Life
As we confront our ego and pride, we also find joy and creative flow that bring balance into our lives. Amid life’s messiness, there are always opportunities for growth, connection, and good news—small moments or big milestones.
Where might a tile-scrubbing moment be waiting for you this week?
Could a mundane task you’ve avoided bring unexpected peace if approached with curiosity?
Is there a relationship where ego or pride has created distance, and how might softening or apologizing help restore harmony?
This week, pause and explore where unlearning or surrender could bring growth, clarity, or connection into your life. Often, it’s in these small, humble acts that we uncover the profound.
As always, I’d love to hear your reflections! What resonates with you in this week’s newsletter? Feel free to reply and share your thoughts—I deeply value the opportunity to connect with you.
Good News
Alongside some of life’s inevitable messes—like a sick child and a midnight hospital run—the past few weeks have also been brimming with creativity, connection, and exciting opportunities. Here are a few highlights I’m thrilled to share:
My pitch for an article titled The Ageless Art of Creative Enlivenment has been accepted by Spirituality & Health Magazine! The piece will explore how creativity nourishes and enriches our lives as we age. I’ll share more details when it’s published—stay tuned!
I’ve been invited to contribute to a forthcoming book on the nature of creativity, which has sparked inspiring reflections for my work and practice.
I’m honored to announce that I’ll be joining the Las Vegas Writers Conference faculty in 2026, where I look forward to supporting and connecting with writers on their creative journeys.
Thank you for celebrating these milestones with me. Your support and engagement make this journey even more meaningful.
I’d love to hear from you. What are your thoughts on this week’s reflections? Do you have your own moments of unlearning or surrender to share? Please feel free to reply—I treasure your insights.
Freshly scrubbed Saltillo Tiles in our casa in Loreto Bay
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