Hi Reader!
A couple of nights ago, I became aware of a sudden and highly challenging situation, and clarity came through: everything does not happen for a reason.
I know we say this with the best intentions—to allow ourselves to be open to the lessons that challenges might present. Still, it is often not helpful. If everything happens for a reason, it’s easy to spin wheels trying to figure out the “reason.” If this means that the divine plan of God or the universe is to teach you lessons constantly, then you might feel unworthy or like you are failing if you can’t figure out the reason or the lesson you are supposed to glean.
Ultimately, while this saying (and similar ones) undoubtedly offers us an opportunity to shift our mindset, it can be unhelpful and uncompassionate to say it. And, if there is one thing I am sure of, it is this: kindness and compassion are always the way.
So, as I sat there on an airplane, on my way to a loved one suddenly facing a mysterious illness that majorly disrupted life’s plans, I felt confident that everything does not happen for a “reason.”
Things happen. It is my job to respond to them as best I can in the moment with as much compassion as I can muster and with whatever tools I have at my disposal.
Indeed, it is helpful to notice cause and effect and to allow ourselves to become more skillful as we become aware of how different behaviors can lead to different results. But when something strikes us out of the blue, or when something repeats itself despite our diligent efforts to understand any underlying triggers, endlessly thinking about it or worrying doesn’t help. It likely sends us into a tailspin about everything that’s wrong with us or the world.
As the insight hit me that “everything does not happen for a reason,” I remembered an excellent book discussing some of these things that sound so true but that we need to investigate more thoroughly.
The book is Near Enemies of the Truth by Christopher Wallis. I picked it up again and found that the author had carefully investigated this very statement. The author also concludes that the saying “everything happens for a reason” sounds true but is not really true and can keep us from seeing the deeper truth.
Wallis suggests thinking of it this way: “This event, like all events, is part of a deeper pattern that expresses the intrinsic intelligence of life-energy, an intelligence that is worthy of your trust.”
He suggests that getting in touch with the deeper pattern of the universe is not something we do with our minds, as in “understanding” it, but rather something we can begin to sense. Once you’ve sensed it, you can learn to trust it—which looks a little more like a loving surrender to the natural unfolding of life. In other words, when I get still, I can realize that deep down, there is an innate intelligence to life and that nothing can go wrong in the natural unfolding of life, even when some parts are excruciating.
This attitude helps me relax and be with what is as it is. It helps me meet the moment as it unfolds.
A similar statement that sometimes sounds good is, “Everything happens for the best.”
This may also inadvertently cause additional suffering. Often, someone cannot experience something as a blessing without deep spiritual work, which requires us to be present with painful events, to feel them, even as we let go of the stories we create about them. In a way, “Everything happens for the best” encourages the person to look forward to a distant future instead of being present with what is.
Wallis has also crafted an alternate statement to work with:
“All events contain potential gifts and blessings, and the more intense or challenging the event, the more potential blessing energy it contains. The events we call painful or challenging are, from the spiritual perspective, more accurately called ‘events that require work to extract their blessing energy.’”
He suggests, “Wouldn’t it be an incredible paradigm shift to experience all challenging events as neither bad nor wrong but simply events that require some work to extract their blessing energy?”
So, here I am with all this—doing my best to meet the events as they arise (recognizing there is sadness and confusion, and that’s okay) with as much grace as I can muster.
It doesn’t feel like there is a “reason” this latest challenge happened, nor does it feel like it’s for the “best.” But, on a deeper level, I am willing to be curious about what hidden blessings it holds.
And, honestly, it doesn’t take too much to feel the blessings. So much kindness has been offered. Friends are breaking up their days to help us get the medical help we need, to caretake, or show up with food and company.
Yesterday, my fellow panelist at SDWF, Gina Simmons, published a beautiful article on kindness in Psychology Today that got picked up and moved to “Essential Reads.” What timing! The article is called The Mystery of Human Kindness. And the key points?
- Humans are wired for kindness.
- Human kindness is a frequent and universal behavior.
- Helping others reduces fear and increases courage.
In a world that trains us to focus on what’s “wrong,” I loved this fresh perspective on humankind.
Amid our challenges, I hope we can all allow ourselves to meet the moment as it unfolds and relax enough to eventually extract its blessing energy, not only offering but experiencing the power of kindness that we humans are wired for.
I’m a little late getting this article out this week for obvious reasons. I have loved sitting here on the way back to the airport, gently pondering this recent event and sharing my fresh musings with all of you.
Meanwhile, there has been much book stuff happening. I had a sweet meet & greet at Barnes and Noble this week and was delighted to meet new people and laugh with friends who came to support me. A great new review of Naked in the Now came out in Exclusive Magazine, and The Mindfulness Mode Podcast—a podcast that consistently rates among the top mindfulness podcasts—aired the episode of my interview with host Bruce Langford. I loved our conversation about my experience with breath meditation and how to transform afflicted emotions.
Finally, I would be remiss as an author if I didn’t encourage you all to go out and order a copy of Naked in the Now 😊 Or, if you already have a copy, to leave a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads! Thank you for all your love, support and encouragement!
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Barnes and Noble meet and greet with my local support crew! |
Smiles,
https://marijkemccandless.com
Kirkus Reviews endorses Naked in the Now!
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