I immediately feel gratitude for the situation I’ve landed myself in, seemingly planned, intricately, one step at a time, with timing calculated down to the day.
Alas, I did not have a master plan. It was the world scheming to take my ideal life to the next stage.
While I’ve put in the time and effort to cut out magazine pictures (a family on an adventure in the woods, a dog with a birthday hat and frosting on his nose as he sits in front of a cake, a fit woman running through the city), I didn’t think it would happen quite like this. My Vision Board is truly coming to life and I can’t tell if it’s because I could see what I wanted or because I journaled about it. Or maybe it was one of those dating spreadsheets I made.
Regardless, the timing and ingredients for this recipe of love couldn’t have been better.
From the first time I met you, we had a connection… but the timing wasn’t right. I was in a committed relationship that caused me to move hundreds of miles away from my family (and closer to you). Yet, this made it possible for me to know you gradually, without pressure. At first, you were just respectful and shared my passion for service. Then, we started hanging out because we had similar interests. That’s when things really got rolling. We got along so effortlessly… but I was still in that relationship.
I knew you were an amazing friend and just saw it as that. There was no fooling you! You could see there was something more.
At first, you laid low and brushed it off. Then you found that I would change my schedule to spend time with you and you began to build up your courage. When you finally shared your feelings, I shut you down because it didn’t feel right (and I was still in a relationship?). We grew apart and the tension became unbearable. It was weeks that we didn’t talk and that was weird since you were always less than a stone’s throw away.
We pushed ourselves to have that uncomfortable conversation about, “what’s going on?” Spoiler alert! We both ended up in tears, embracing each other. We spent that evening together with and as friends, though I knew very clearly what you actually wanted.
Our connection punctuated by Winter Break, I returned from my travels with a fresh mind. I made up excuses to spend time with you and finally caved.
“I’ve been thinking a lot… We get along really well… Now I’m not in a relationship anymore… You’ve always been there for me… I guess what I’m saying is… I want to give it a try.”
Then, your face. Unmoved, looking at me without emotion. I wasn’t sure what it meant and it felt like hours, waiting to hear what you would say.
Later I would find that you were milking that moment for all it was worth, since I had made you wait so long. (Now your patience is our inside joke. Thanks for being patient, honey!)
Once we figured that out, one thing led to another, never feeling forced, rushed, or unnatural: I started staying over. You gave me keys. We talked about what our cat’s name should be. And our dog’s. Who would we invite to the wedding?
We found an apartment together, moved in, and kept moving forward. Not a day goes by without hearing, “I love you” at least 5 times and a shower of kisses that fills my heart and allows me to pour love into my family and friends.
As we were getting settled into things, Covid-19 came. And now we’re stuck. Stuck together. Stuck in love. And I’m thankful. There’s no one I’d rather be “Safer at Home” with than you.
You let me speak my mind, so I don’t have to hide behind my journal. You embrace my eccentric tendencies and make them into jokes so we can laugh together.
Not a day goes by that I regret any of our past. While there was a lot of pain, heartbreak, tears, and disagreements, it got us to where we are now. Today. Safer at Home. Our home. Isn’t that the truth?
~Erika
