In my early twenties, I considered myself chubby. It wasn’t a label anyone gave me, but rather one I had absorbed after a sports injury in my early teens affecting my growth plate forced me into a doctor-prescribed year of near-total inactivity. By the time I met my future husband, I had lost some weight but still saw myself through a critical, nonathletic, “chubby” lens.
And yet, he saw me as beautiful. More than that—he called me sexy. It startled me. No one had ever described me that way before. But hearing him say it repeatedly allowed me to start seeing myself differently. His simple, honest, heartfelt perception of me helped me become who I wanted to be—active and attractive. I got there not through criticism, advice, or pressure—but through warmth, affection, and presence.
This experience has stayed with me as a potent reminder: change doesn’t come from some drastic overhaul motivated by criticism (however “constructive” or “helpful” it is meant to be).
I watched The Resident recently and was startled to hear this line: “Advice is thinly veiled criticism.” Interesting. Most of us, unless we specifically ask for it, are not looking for “advice” at all. That may be because what we feel when we receive unsolicited advice is not the other’s desire to help us but a criticism of how we are.
On the other hand, when someone praises or encourages us precisely as we are, ironically, we are empowered to change.
The Power of Being Seen with Love
A favorite spiritual guide, Cheri Huber, says this, which I love: “I love you exactly as you are and will help you become however you want to be.”
This sentiment perfectly mirrors my experience of discovering that I was attractive just as I was and could change to become whoever I wanted to be. Through this loving perception, I could open not only to seeing myself in a new light but also to naturally changing.
For all you parents out there, Arthur Brooks, a social scientist and researcher, recently wrote an article about how to raise happy children. He found that warmth and affection—not advice—impact a child’s happiness and well-being. Brooks writes about the importance of emotional connections over practical guidance in his studies on parenting. You can read more about the research he referenced here.
It’s fascinating how a small shift in perspective—how we view ourselves, move in the world, or even the impact of advice—can change everything. Sometimes, all it takes is a subtle adjustment, just a 10% shift, and it can lead us to an entirely new place. Even more powerful is that praise, encouragement, or even awareness—rather than specific advice—can catalyze a transformation, motivating us to evolve without pressure or criticism.
A Small Shift Changes Everything
Consider the Titanic. If it had changed its heading by just 10%, it might have bypassed the iceberg entirely. More than that, it would have ended up in Florida instead of New York! A small course correction made early enough changes everything.
Books like Atomic Habits and 10% Happier focus on how small, consistent shifts lead to big transformations over time. Their core message aligns with what I’ve experienced firsthand.
The Power of Small Moments of Delight
One of the most powerful practices I’ve discovered is noticing tiny moments of delight. These could be as simple as a stranger’s smile, the sun’s warmth on your skin, a moment of stillness, or a beautiful color in the sky. When noticed with presence, these small moments can shift our mood and mindset.
Noticing 10% of the moments that bring us delight daily can radically change our experience. It’s like a ripple effect: small, positive moments stack up, and before we know it, our entire perspective has shifted.
This idea of subtle shifts applies to so much in life. Sometimes, it starts with little more than a willingness to pay attention—to notice what’s happening.
The Power of Noticing
Spiritual leaders echo this idea, often saying that simply bringing attention to an issue is a major step toward transformation. You notice something about yourself that feels out of alignment. Instead of immediately trying to force change—or worse, falling into self-criticism—you stay with the noticing. You pay attention to the details rather than rushing into a big change, possibly failing, and then launching into self-flagellation and despair.
Awareness itself is powerful. Just by being present with something, we allow space for organic shifts to happen. And sometimes, that small shift in awareness is all it takes to set us on an entirely new path.
Inspiration from a Friend’s Courageous Leap
Recently, a friend shared a video about her decision to quit using Whole Foods, Amazon, Instagram, and Facebook. This bold move wasn’t just a tiny shift but a significant change she felt ready for. It resonated deeply with me. Her courage to step away from these platforms and stores—deeply ingrained in many of our daily lives—inspired me to reflect on my choices and values.
As an author, I, too, have a relationship with Amazon, and I’m not ready to step entirely away. I am grateful for the platform’s reach and ability to help my book, Naked in the Now, connect with readers. Nonetheless, I’ve been reflecting on how I personally engage with these large platforms. Her choice to step away made me think: What would it look like for me to make small shifts in how I show up in my own decisions, too?
Instead of supporting Amazon exclusively, I’ve started offering links to independent bookstores that carry my book. (Any bookstore can carry my book!)
While my changes might not be as drastic, her video catalyzed me to start making some shifts—to at least acknowledge the dis-ease within myself. In addition to considering where I sell my books, I’ve begun exploring alternative shopping options, like Sprouts and Thrive, and considering how I can reduce my reliance on social media platforms—like through these more personal newsletters. This experience taught me that I can begin orienting in a different direction by first paying attention and noticing and then taking small actions. I might not be ready to turn the Titanic of my life abruptly, but I can make a 10% shift.
The Power of Small Shifts in Action
As I reflect on how small changes can lead to big transformations, I can’t help but think about the impact of our collective choices. For instance, imagine if Amazon lost just 10% of its business. My research tells me that would amount to about $57 billion. What if we redirected some of those billions to independent stores or local bookstores?
Small shifts in consumer habits—choosing to shop locally or support small businesses—can profoundly affect this. It’s not just about dollars and cents. It’s about nurturing a vibrant, diverse marketplace where independent voices thrive and communities strengthen.
The power of 10% is not limited to personal change but extends to the world around us. When we make subtle changes in where we spend our time and money, we contribute to a more significant shift toward sustainability, connection, and integrity. What would it look like if we each played a part in shifting the tide?
Noticing, noticing – opening to change
In reading this, pay attention to any leanings within yourself. Does anything resonate or stir something deeper inside?
Just notice.
Is there a small shift you might be open to? A new way of seeing yourself? A choice that aligns more with what you truly value? A different way of connecting with others?
Small changes, when consistently made, lead to big transformations over time.
Upcoming Events
• Write Now Mind Session – a beloved space for mindful writing and reflection – new session in March 2025. If you are new to it and are interested email me!
• Write by the Sea Virtual Community – Originally formed in Loreto Bay, BCS (hence the name), this gathering is evolving into a new online weekly or bi-weekly space for writers seeking inspiration and connection. If you’re interested, reach out to me!
As the book gains momentum, I’d love your help spreading the word further, especially through independent bookstores and libraries. If you enjoy Naked in the Now, consider talking to your local bookstore or library about carrying it. It’s available for any independent bookstore or library to stock, and your voice makes a huge difference in helping it reach more people.
You can find Naked in the Now at some wonderful independent bookstores:
Collective Ink Books (Note: My publisher, Collective Ink, is offering a 50% discount on the ebook through January 31, 2025)
As an author who Amazon’s reach has supported, I also want to acknowledge the complicated relationship many of us have with large platforms. While I’m grateful for how Amazon has allowed my book to find its readers, I want to be more intentional about supporting independent bookstores. Every purchase from a local shop or smaller platform helps nurture a diverse, vibrant marketplace.
Also, if you’ve enjoyed the book and felt moved by it, please leave a review. While Amazon owns Goodreads, it remains a valuable space for independent book lovers. If you’ve enjoyed the book, leaving a review on Goodreads can help more readers discover it.
Thank you for being part of this journey. Whether through purchasing the book, talking about it with friends, or sharing reviews, your support helps keep the spirit of independent voices alive.
Earth Medicine Woman/Yoga Instructor and my inspiration this week: Bekah Andrew
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